An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. 21 talking about this. "God must be a mechanical engineer," says the first. This list is complete with easy to share images so you can share the fun with your friends and clients. 3 Short Pirate Puns. .. . Accountant Jokes Engineer Jokes Doctor Jokes Economist Jokes Lawyer Jokes A Pirate And A Seaman Talk About Their Adventures. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? What do you call an accountant with an opinion? Depreciation. Top Ten Punchlines To Dirty Accountant Jokes. with such devotion comes very tense moments and in these moments, you need something to calm your nerves. Why are men like diapers? Beankeepers: This name just sounds cute. many years ago when i was a junior at a firm, our external auditors were in doing a year end audit. Not all jokes are funny, but then I am not an . Smart-ass kid. Tie. . I don't think I'll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother's Day - a doctor for a son-in-law. Dirty Accounting Joke 2 A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary." 4 Why Was the Accountant Excited When He Finished a Jigsaw Puzzle in 59 Weeks? The Best Accounting Jokes How does a pirate report treasure on his taxes? 3. 26. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Thanks for patiently waiting Eli's Dirty Jokes fans. Bowling Jokes. Tags: certified-public-accountant, dirty-joke, funny-accountant, cpa, joke Available in Plus Size T-Shirt. The world's first dirty accounting joke (for all you accountants out there in the midst of busy season) Long A local tax accountant was about to leave his office for the night when a scantily dressed blonde girl came in looking confused. while watching the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation. . The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. 1.Becker CPA Review Course Endorsed by Big 4 Accounting Firms. 27 . 1. Dirty Accounting Joke 1 Why do accountants make good lovers? Aug 22, 2013 - Funny Accounting Cartoons. Thanks to their hilarious personalities, there is an abundance of cat jokes out there, and we've collected our . 1 What's an Actuary? 1. . They are here for some light moments in your life. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it." 4 Accountants Versus Bank Robbers Wiley CPAExcel Review Course Best Instructor Support. More jokes about: accountant A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. . 1) Don't tell them everything you know. . What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? A: They all take your money. "Darling, could you tell me about your work." Boring Accountant Joke 7 Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: "…….and ninthly…" Boring Accountant Joke 8 The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a . Q: What do the IRS, a mugger, and your kids have in common? 3. 2 What Does an Accountant Use For Birth Control? Take a break and enjoy some of our best jokes about accounting, accountants, auditors, and more! 3 What Do Actuaries Do to Liven up a Party? Accountants like dirty jokes because they have accrued senses of humor. 5.Gleim CPA Review Course Most Task-Based Simulations. We print the highest quality dirty joke t-shirts on the internet. - Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy. 426 friends. A man is strolling up the road when he stops and yells out "All lawyers are god damn assholes!" Accountants work their assets off. 7. An actuary does much the same thing as an accountant but lacks the accountant's bright and vivacious personality. "Aye," the pirate answered. We have jokes about Mars Bars, Cookies, Kit Kat, Smarties and more. about a year ago. All things funny in the accounting world. These jokes are so filthy; you might just want to cleanse . (Submitted by John Dinius at 75112.3530@compuserve.com) 5. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on . Enjoy over 10.000 Jokes and Quotes! I ran across Eli The Accountant's Dirty Jokes the other day… Funny Stuff! They're usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable. But an accountant with conversation starters and chat-up skills is on another level. The Key to the Bedroom. 2. Baseball jokes and riddles can be as interesting as the game itself. 4.UWorld Roger CPA Review Courses Best for Engaging Video Lectures. An accountant without the sense of humour. Animal: Bear Jokes . & Join the Eli's Dirty Jokes Fan Page on Facebook! This book—written in a similar style as "Dad Jokes"—is a must-have for any accounting office! "Looks like Charles just got Schwabed." (Ross Wisdom) 7. 10y. Top 10 of the Funniest Accounting Jokes and Puns e.e. Best Accountant Puns. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it." A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant joke?" A: Spiderman, all his income is net. The pirate said, "Aye, a bird came by and left droppings in me eye.". One of the hungry up and coming young auditors was a ravishing blonde.. .i mean this girl could have left the tax firm and walked onto a runway modeling. 8. 2.Surgent CPA Prep Course Best Technology + Save $1,100. Dirty Funny Jokes Pages. The man rolls his eyes. DontHurtMe T. San Francisco, CA. He looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. The sailor pointed to the pirate's eye patch and asked, "How did you get that?". Three men are sat in a bar discussing God and his profession. 5.Gleim CPA Review Course Most Task-Based Simulations. Slowly slide your number across the bar to the accountant and say "How do these numbers look to you?" At first the accountant will be disappointed to be accosted with work while out of the office but once they see that it is a phone number they will move to stage 2 …confusion. Disclaimer: these are actually pretty . When an accountant is under pressure they ask their boss to cut them sum slack. Another One Of These Best Pirate Puns. 10 th Accountant joke. The Net Present Value. funny stuff, some a little too corny; Didn't like the dirty joke about husband and wife age 54. made me laugh all morning! by FLARE An auditor. jokes.net - the number one jokes and comedy network. (1) I have never seen someone who can deplete his reserves twice in one night. You've got a lovely pair of W-2's! A tax is a fine for doing well. Our favorite accounting jokes 1. A big list of bowling jokes! They're great with figures. Speaking of accounting jokes. Home; FAQ; Tuesday, June 12, 2012. (2) That's not what I meant when I asked you to liquidate . "I didn't notice her 1099s, but she sure had nice W-2s." (Marc Albaum) 9. Invite an accountant. Monkey Love. Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts. A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. Wiley CPAExcel Review Course Best Instructor Support. You've got a lovely pair of W-2's! The article talks 24 NSFW dirty jokes that are so inappropriate, theyre actually funny. The . What type of bird gives the best head? Just look at the names of many famous climbs like Geriatric Sex Maniacs from Mars (Red Wing), Penis Dimension (Vedauwoo), or Pocket Pussy (Red River Gorge). i'm not gonna tell you what the words were, but they paid the bill and he got two vowels and a capital back. He forgot his wallet, but he took his pen and wrote four words down on an accounting ledger. A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Top 10 of the Funniest Tax Accountant Jokes and Puns A man was walking along the beach with his mother-in-law. Whether you already have a whole host of dad jokes at your disposal to simply looking to find the corniest jokes, we have something for . iqannnylirod : Voted. Here are our accounting jokes pickup lines that will help you in conversation starters, chat-up lines, and comeback situations when you are burned. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? . How is a woman like a road? CATEGORY Business Jokes. 28. Pirate's Parrot. 2) [Redacted] How can you tell if an accountant is extroverted? Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! Enjoy these funny candy jokes and puns. "Why?" asked the woman. Top 40 Accounting Jokes Busy season is over, summer is here, what better way to celebrate than a list of our Top 40 Accounting jokes? 2. Two things in life are inevitable: death and taxes. Want to hear a dirty joke? Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to her child: "No, son. A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. by leahsoboroff. A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? But I like your thinking." Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? The pirate said: "Aye, I fought Red Beard's crew and lost me hand.". 3. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. A woman was told she only had 6 months to live. Professional Jokes: Accountant Jokes Engineer Jokes Doctor Jokes Economist Jokes Lawyer Jokes Teacher Jokes As devoted fans, we often carry it with dedication to the point where it becomes a family thing. How do make jokes about accountants when they have the most boring job on the planet. Han Duet. How do you know when an accountant is on vacation He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8 a.m. 2. The one liners are grouped in. A swallow. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. Download App. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night," he says. I thought the jokes are pretty accurate, I've worked with accountants for 9 years now. Go into town and gang-audit someone. Funny Dirty Jokes for Her . He picked it up, wondering what it was, when a genie popped out. Whether it's intentional or not, cats are some of the funniest creatures on earth. Climbers aren't known for being particularly appropriate. You might laugh, cry, or even groan; but here's 28 of our favourite engineering jokes: 1. 2. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then . The doctor laughs and tells her "Nothing, but at least it will seem like a lifetime." He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil. 21 Jokes Only Climbers Will Understand. 2. 27. What is a long, wide thing that men carry hanging in front of it? How about we get out of here and appreciate each other's assets. An accountant is someone who looks after the financial records of a business. 4. Enjoy! We'll give you 24. …". The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. 27. "How can look I help you?" the accountant asked. The Captain In Brown Pants. 1.Becker CPA Review Course Endorsed by Big 4 Accounting Firms. An actuary is someone who wanted to be an accountant, but didn't have the personality for it. An accountant without the sense of humor. Boring Accountant Joke 6 If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? I digress. Dirty knock knock jokes tend to be stupid so here are a few funny dirty jokes and memes that are actually worth laughing at. This collection is simply intended to bring a smile to your face or brighten up your day…. and then asks, "What is your occupation?" The woman replies, "I'm a whore." The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling, "TGIF!" The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, "SPIT!" Laws of Accounting 1. 5. Working Capital does not 4. . The following are currently rated our Top 7 Accounting Pick up lines: Let's fill out a 1040 - you're a 10, and I'm 40; In my office, 'I.R.S.' stands for 'I'm really sexy'! 4. Here are the top and latest flirty, dirty Tax and Accounting pick up lines to use on guys.Accountants can handle you with their skills. Why don't skunks. you have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store. 4. I think I have heard some of the jokes before. Reply. The following are currently rated our Top 7 Accounting Pick up lines: Let's fill out a 1040 - you're a 10, and I'm 40; In my office, 'I.R.S.' stands for 'I'm really sexy'! 28. posted by "merk" | about a year ago. . May the floss be with you. 3. Married To A CPA Joke A lady goes to the doctor and the doctor breaks the news to her that she only has 3 months to live. 3. Take it as a break from your mundane accounting career. Classic dirty jokes told by a lovable accountant and brought to life with colorful animation. 1. 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